Realize that to question is how we grow...

After feeling yucky for awhile, and posting about it, that was the catalyst that I decided I didn't want to feel that way anymore. I can rely on support from others, but ultimately I have to find the strength in me to move past this one moment and continue on the bigger picture journey. So I took active steps to shut down the thoughts in my mind and took steps to move on and be re-inspired.

I watched..

- Promo for Jillian's new show.. in 15 seconds just seeing her can turn my mood around and when she says to the woman, "What is holding you back?" and the woman replies, "Nothing now" and Jillian says "Damn right.."

Goosebumps every time. The determination in that woman's face is like a determined athlete fighting to get back what she now realizes was always with her all along - a healthy, fit, confident woman - she just needed someone to show her the way out. Yup.. tears just typing that. =)

- Betty White on Saturday Night Live and I was inspired by how at 88.5 that lady is as funny as ever and she keeps movin' on. She didn't let someone tell her she needed to retire at 65. Plus, thanks to.. THE INTERNET.. that is why she is hosting Saturday Night Live. Well thanks to THE INTERNET I have so many supportive people on my journey who can remind me of where my head really needs to be and teach me the things that they are learning along the way, and I can do the same for others.

- Avatar. This is now my third attempt to get through the movie - not because I don't like it, but because when you don't get enough sleep at night, that long of a movie is like 2 shots of Nyquil with a tequila chaser for me. =)

Last night I was amazed at the amount of references that fall in line with the things I am going through right now. The main male lead has to overcome a lot of challenges and has to dig deep into his moral core about how he really feels about himself, his journey, his choices. There are so many one liners that I would say to hubby, "Oohh..did you hear that? I just went through that mental struggle and what he just said is exactly how I got out of it too... creeeepy mooooovie.."

A lot of our journey is really in our heads...

Sooooo...


Today is a NEW day! I am re-inspired and for this week I am going to show my body and my mind some respect and give it consistency with my work outs just like I do my nutrition.

I listen to the Biggest Loser theme song in my workout routine. So the line that has been going through my head all morning from that song is..

Still so many answers I don't know
(There are so many answers)
REALIZE THAT TO QUESTION IS HOW WE GROW
(To question is to grow)
So I step out of the ordinary.
I can feel my soul ascending
I'm on my way
Can't stop me now
And you can do the same
(Yeah!)

I have to question myself along the way to make sure I am heading in the right direction by creating a lifestyle that can achieve and maintain my goals, plus I can live with it every day. =) It's how I grow. =)

Re-inspired!

It takes TIME to LOSE 10 pounds...

Someone who I trust, who has been right every time they have given me advice can predict my future and lay out all of the answers in front of me, but if my mind isn't open to consideration, I will never see it for myself.

+++

When I weighed in this morning the scale showed that I lost 1.6lbs this week.  I posted to the boards about how it didn't matter what I got at the scale, I had accomplished a lot this week, I felt really good about pushing myself, etc.

Well after spending the afternoon feeling like crap, I did some reflection on my challenge and I wanted to share. =)

Earlier this week someone very dear to me on this site took the time to write out a very carefully crafted message to let me know how unrealisitc my 10lb personal challenge was.  I read it, and then replied with a very long post explaining my head space, the intention of me putting the challenge on myself, how I am pushing my fitness, my head is in the right place, and on and on..

I think that the long reply post should have been just one indicator that I was completely in denial. =)

She told me how unrealistic my goal was, how I was setting myself up for disappointment.

She was absolutely right. 

I was wrong.

I should have never set the 10lb challenge for myself. 

Absolutely everything she said is completely correct and even though I have told myself 1000 times today that the goal was unrealistic, those voices are in my head saying all of the same old things they used to about how I have failed, and what I could have done different or better.  There has not been a single moment that I have been happy about the 1.6 lb loss.  I did expect more, and I am disappointed.

Phew!  I feel better already.  Takes time to unlearn these old habits. =)

Posting this is part of what I am doing to move past this and learn from these very valuable lessons:

- don't ever set myself up for failure
- don't tie an area where I want to push myself (my fitness) to an area that relies on more than just my fitness (the scale)
- no matter what I think the moment when I read a message, have someone speak to me, or get a letter or note from someone who is trying to provide me with insight on how to help myself I need to allow myself time to think about what is being said and consider that this is a perception about myself that I will never be able to access or possess - how I am perceived by others and the life advice that they have to help make my life and journey easier.  I promise to myself to be more open to that information and consider it carefuly as it is a viewpoint I will simply never possess but can learn VOLUMES about myself.

It is clear to me now about how this really is A PROCESS.  Up until now I was looking at it purely from the mathematical point of view that Jillian talked about during Melissa's tantrums earlier this season:

physical fitness > calorie intake = weight loss

in that, I was simply wasn't factoring or considering all of the other things that I have seen/learned on the show.. other things can have significant impact on our success with weight loss in areas such as:

Nutrition
Timing of Nutrition
Food Combinations
Water Consumption
Fitness
Fitness intensity
Fitness time of day
Rest
Repair
Bloating
How we manage emotional stress
and many others

So given that the PROCESS contains many factors, and IT TAKES TIME TO LOSE TEN POUNDS - not just because I set the time frame.  It was completely unreasonable that I set a 10lb personal challenge to myself - that was never a fair goal.

There is a careful balance that I am going to work on to find the sweet spot between pushing myself to stick to the program to the point that I push too far, and not pushing enough.  That is gonna take some practice! =)

PHEW!

Feeling much better, but I am sure it will be a battle to keep the voices in check.. they had a little victory there for a few days while I was in denial and they get really cocky after that. =)