The word that best describes the last few months for me could be:
Overwhelming.
Starting in August we went to MN for our trip home. Although it is so awesome to see and spend time with my family, and all of our adventures were awesome - it is just that strong reminder that we are not where we want to be geographically. We want to be in MN. I want to be closer to family and I miss them all so terribly. Homesick is an understatement for me. Leading up to that trip I was focused on my goals because I had an event/date to work towards. However, when we returned home both D and I were overwhelmed
with sadness. My family is so amazing and loving and we both want to be around them so much. For me, because I have missed some amazing years with them, and for D because he hasn't had that type of family experience. For days we were just moping and melancholy.
On the work front: We are taking our business to a whole new level. I spent over two weeks writing a business plan that was one of the most spiritual things I have ever done. In it I defined personal and professional goals for myself, reminded myself of my strengths, and set a plan in motion for our business which I am very excited about. =) However, this process, was very overwhelming. Over 30 hours of research, over 80 pages typed, 40 page business plan, lots of personal and professional reflection and goal setting. Epic effort - but very overwhelming. =)
My 40th Birthday! Monumental, totally thrilled to be here and.. overwhelming. I am 40, over 250lbs, totally concerned about my body and health where I feel like I am running from a whole onslaught of diseases that effect "old people". Menopause, diabetes, heart disease, varicose veins, skin cancer, wrinkles, osteoporosis, breast cancer, ovarian cancer, uterine cancer even down to needing more fiber in my diet. UGH.
On Information: I became overwhelmed by the amount of information that I have learned about how misinformed I, and all of us, have been to our bodies, how they work, nutrition, fitness, etc. So overwhelmed that I have been somewhat paralyzed in place on my weight goals, and not even knowing how to clean out my head so I can move on, I didn't even know where to begin here - thus the lack of posts.
I had been reading Dr. Oz's book YOU: On a Diet. The information in there is SO DIFFERENT than what I had EVER been taught about nutrition, fitness and health it was staggering to me that I was even ALIVE given all of the choices I had made for my body over the years and the misinformation that I had learned from "respected" sources along the way. In 129 pages I became so overwhelmed I just couldn't go on for fear of how much more I was going to learn about how I am killing myself every day with my choices based on the information I had collected in my almost three decades of "diet" knowledge. I didn't want to forget what I had learned so far or miss out on applying it to my life, but I don't want to be like a weight loss ostrich and put my head in the sand and not keep moving forward.
Then I watched Food Matters (we watched it on Netflix, but they offer the movie on the website for $4.95), A Beautiful Truth, Fast Food Nation, Thintervention, Biggest Loser of course, and a few other food movies that for days had me paralyzed and in a total panic about where I was going to get my food.
Day after day I would learn more and more things that would literally paralyze me into not moving ahead with anything. I would think of a dozen blog posts per day that I could write, but what if this new information was also wrong. I don't want to be irresponsible and pass on misinformation to other people just like every one else has. Maybe I should shut down the blog. Maybe make all posts private at least until I have had a chance to try out and test the new information I am learning. OMG. What to do?
This would all peak and burst the dam about two weeks ago.
After watching Food Matters, for three days I didn't have any fresh fruits or veggies and I was basically nutritionally starving. I didn't know where to go for my food (see more below). This escalated on the third day where I was going around my house like a mad person, slamming everything my hands touched - doors, toilet seat (which is had when you have a non-slamming toilet seat), dishes while I washed them, and a laundry basket among other things. I was in a complete emotional rage and I couldn't see past it. It was consuming me. As it escalated even more, in the only sane decision I made that day to save my marriage so I didn't take any of this out on my hubby who did nothing to cause any of it, I ended up leaving the house, blasting and screaming the lyrics to Eminem's new album in total rage and within a few minutes ended up parked down the street b/c I couldn't see with the tears in my eyes and I ended up rage screaming for 20 minutes while beating the shit out of the seat next to me in the truck. I came home exhausted and went to bed. Just to note, starvation can lead to uncontrolled rage. =)
The next day I found Roots Market (www.rootsmkt.com) and after a full day of consuming healthy nutrition (more healthy than I had been eating) I was back to normal and vowed to never let myself go that far again.
The last three days I have been watching Biggest Loser again. It always empowers me, and I don't know why I go so long between episodes. I caught a peek of them live the other night and I was blown away at how much the remaining contestants have changed. It re-inspired me to start watching again. Now for the last two days I feel like I am making progress through the overwhelming feelings and now it is time to really clean out my head, share what I have learned so far so I can keep moving on. So here goes.. brain dump. Get ready for CAPS for emphasis. =)
THE FOOD INDUSTRY IS KILLING US FOR PROFIT.
The produce in our grocery stores are at best 4 to 5 days old and have lost 40% of their nutritional value. Add on a 24 grocery store where the lights are on all the time and there may be even less nutritional value in my produce add on if it is a week older.. ugh. Safeway and Giant Organics are so ugly and almost rotting b/c the majority of the people going there aren't shopping for Organics so there is a small selection and its turnover rate is horrible. The packaged foods are full of chemicals, additives, preservatives and toxins that aren't even really understood in terms of their lasting effects on our bodies. The meats are fed food that even we can't digest and kills the animals way ahead of time - a cow's life expectancy is around 15 years - but only 2 years and they would naturally die a horrible death of organ failure on the food that they are being fed - what do you think that this does to our bodies?
We used to have over 500 types of potatoes in the world. Now there are less than 4 grown in the US b/c the seed companies were bought by the chemical companies and then patented through the US patent office and all our farmers were forced to either fold or produce patent protected foods ordered by our government and controlled by the chemical companies.
Our commercially available food is killing us. Make better food choices and signal to the industry that we have had enough and we want better.
OUR DOCTORS AND DRUG COMPANIES ARE KILLING US FOR PROFIT.
The drug companies are killing us and our doctors are writing the prescriptions to our deaths. Over 106,000 PEOPLE A YEAR DIE from adverse drug reactions. This DOES NOT take into account combined drug interactions, overdose, misuse, abuse, etc. This is just taking the prescribed medication exactly as directed by your doctor and the drug company.
To put this into perspective - in the entire Iraqi war 4,747 military fatalities, 30,718 wounded since 2003!!
Where is this coverage in our news? Where is the public outrage? We are killing our own citizens day after day at rates WAY beyond that of this horrible war.
THE MEDICAL INDUSTRY IS KILLING US FOR PROFIT.
Women are rushed into C-sections b/c it is cheaper to the hospital and more convenient than waiting out their natural labor. I am sure white bread and Jell-0 isn't causing cancer, or illness but it sure isn't helping cure it - yet we are fed CRAP food when we are in the hospital. 20% of people leave hospitals MORE MALNOURISHED than they were when they went in.
From Food Matters:
39,000 people die in the US each year from unnecessary surgeries
80,000 people die in the US each year from infections from surgeries while in the hospital
106,000 people die in the US each year from adverse drug reactions (does not include overdose, misuse or mis-prescribed - just taking it like your Dr and the drug company told you to)
553,000 people die in the US each year from cancer
652,000 people die in the US each year from heart disease
This is our medical industry killing 1.4 million of us each year in just these areas while they are "treating" us.
Health care isn't health care when it is killing you at rates in a year greater than an almost decade old war.
Less than 6% of doctors are trained in nutrition. Uhh.. if the food I am eating, and chemicals I am consuming through my food, soap, shampoo, antiperspirant, lotions, hand-sanitizer, make-up, etc. is what is giving us the two biggest diseases that are killing us - shouldn't my doctor be trained in nutrition?
THE DIET INDUSTRY IS KILLING US FOR PROFIT.
Mark my words. In the next 10 years I predict that the NutriSystem, Jenny Craig, Slim-Fast and these other pre-packaged diet food industries will be crippled and dismantled by MASSIVE class action lawsuits - charged with killing people and destroying the metabolic systems of millions of other people. I would suspect about the same time that national food chains could be the next class action lawsuits like the cigarette companies. After that processed food manufacturers will follow. The sodium, poor food sources, lack of nutritional value of this crap that is being marketed as your only way of losing weight, or as a good food options are so malicious and knowingly and intentionally DESTROYING our organs, messing up our metabolism, killing our children, killing our friends and partners, and are nutritionally set up to FAIL YOU so you are dependent on their systems and addicted to their unnaturally pumped food substances. Evil. Simply evil.
EMPLOYERS ARE KILLING US FOR PROFIT.
Jobs are being cut, responsibilities of workers are being doubled, demand of productivity standards are increased at the cost of worker injury (from carpel tunnel, increased obesity, varicose veins from sitting for hours, to limb loss at mass production facilities) and overall health.
Eric Rauch from MIT noted in his 2000 paper Productivity and the Workweek that "An average worker needs to work a mere 11 hours per week to produce as much as one working 40 hours in 1950." In other words, we should be able to work reduced hours with no impact on productivity.
The cut throat nature of most of the industries that we are involved in are so damaging to an individuals self-esteem and overall productivity. How can you be creative and want for the better good of the company and the bottom line when the climate is akin to high school and innovation and unique ideas are shot down with harpoons dipped in poisonous venom the second they come out of someone's mouth. Yeah, go ahead and speak up in a meeting, let's see how long your career lasts after it is over. The fear of layoffs, downsizing, firing, etc. keeps most of our workforce crippled to be innovative or to really.. give a shit. I will do my time, and during it I will connect with my friends on Facebook and connect with more people on LinkedIn and shop online, even ordering my groceries for delivery b/c I don't have any free time to do that. I will attend some meetings, update my resume and email recruiters during meetings to get out of this shit job and into another shit job that at least pays a bit more to compensate me for my pain. Hand me my check and whatever skeleton of benefits of what I used to have and just leave me be.
Add air quality, office furniture, aesthetics of the work environment, lack of nutritionally sound food options... so sad that we treat our workforce with such low disregard.
WE ARE KILLING OURSELVES WITH OUR COMPLACENCY, ASKEW PRIORITIES AND LACK OF A CLEAR WAY TO DEMAND CHANGE.
When the story about the McDonald's Happy Meal Toy ban in San Francisco (and recently REPEALED! ugh..) came out I was appaled by the amount of people disgusted over this legislation. This LOCAL government was making a statement for its community. Food is the ONLY nutrition for all of us to survive. Therefore, food companies shouldn't be allowed to entice children to want their nutritionally devoid food and create a LIFELONG affinity for their brand through NON-EDIBLE TOYS. If the food met guidelines for children nutrition then it can have the toy included. Makes sense - how can anyone in their right mind, wanting for the greater good of our society be opposed to this regardless of who had to bring it to the national forefront?
To the defense of the parents and the rest of us - our society's priorities for itself are completely askew in my opinion. Our general public interest is focused in all of the wrong places. Sensationalist news. Drunk and rehabed celebrities. 12 year olds who release "Greatest Hits" albums or write biographies. Technology possessions. "Reality" programming. Material possessions. All forms of escapism. Our society elevates icons where we clearly put value in thin, addict, malnourished celebrities who can afford personal trainers and it is part of their PROFESSION to be thin and fit. They can afford days or weeks to full fitness, spa treatments, cellulite wraps, massage, etc. and can afford any food they want, and they keep their figures for the sake of their INCOME. Or are just part of the only 3% of the population who can eat whatever they want and never gain weight. Our men celebrities are shorter than average, more petite than average making our men feel inadequate about their bodies. Our female celebrities are shorter than average, thinner than average and both groups can afford plastic surgery and other drastic measures to be the bodies that we strive and will constantly fail to obtain.
We are fat, out of shape, our friends and family are getting diseases that we don't understand and are in denial about their origin or ways to fix them other than radical actions, surgeries and lots of drugs. Our economy is shit, our houses are falling apart, we can't afford to live the lives we used to, our politicians are comics, and our comics are our news reporters - b/c this is the only way we can stomach the world today.
Body loathing in both men and women is out of control. In our children it is perpetuated by our adults and further enforced by other body loathing children. Instead of being addressed in school age children when most of the attitudes and behaviors are set and followed for life, we tune in to watch women week after week have their self-esteem rebuilt by Gok Wan and Carson Kressley, two amazing men on Channel 4 and Lifetime in make-over shows after living decades under layers of clothing, not enjoying their sexuality, their bodies, their sex life, etc. because they HATE the only body they will EVER have.
Our schools are killing our children with profits from vending and fund raisers and the school lunch program is a joke.
A few photos make you want to lose your lunch if you care at all for the food your put into your body and consider this is one of only three meals (sometimes only two since many are not eating breakfast) that a child eats in a day.
http://fedupwithschoollunch.blogspot.com/
Nancy Regan had "Just Say NO" to combat drugs in our youth. Michelle Obama is dealing with OBESITY in our children with her "Let's Move" campaign. When the first lady has to make it an initiative shouldn't that be a signal that we have let something slide in our priorities for our children?
Social Networking has afforded us the unique opportunity to interface with many brands that we deal with on a day to day basis. A public way of letting them know that we want better, we deserve better from them as a brand. However, this is still catching on and its impact hasn't been fully realized as of yet. We know it works, Guy Kawasaki tells a great story of the power of social networking when interacting with a brand:
Kawasaki related a story about a Virgin America customer who tweeted that he was on a Virgin America flight and had not yet gotten his meal. Supposedly Virgin America staffers saw the tweet, radioed the flight’s pilot, and the passenger got his dinner.
Kawasaki decided to test this responsiveness by tweeting his own message while flying the airline: “@VirginAmerica: if you're so good, have the flight attendant bring me a Coke; I'm in seat 2A.” Several minutes later, Kawasaki got a tweet from the airline in response: “Guy, why don't you just ask the flight attendant for a Coke.”
We need to harness the amazing-ness of our current technology situation and DEMAND a change, not a coke. =)
+++
I think that OVERWHELMING is a good choice to sum this all up right? All of this has been connecting and floating in my head for months now. =)
So what to do..
Well I can only move forward with what I NEED, what I WANT, and a push towards MY GOALS only. I am my ONLY concern. Although I want to drag as many people around me who also need this information and this change with me, we each have to come to this realization on our own, and each make our own effort towards our better health, happiness and longevity. Hopefully the information that I gather along the way will help another make even just one small better choice for them, that may save them from getting Diabetes, Cancer, or some other horrible condition that could be prevented by making even just one better choice for themselves.
DAMN I feel better! =) I am glad I got all of that out.
Moving forward when it all gets overwhelming I am going to definitely let it out on here, and turn to this new awesome song and video that my friend Chris turned us onto. The lyrics are simple but so applicable to many of the things that I am going through in my head right now. Thanks Chris! =)
Everest - Let Go
May I come in?
My old friend
You're looking thin
Do you feel alright?
There's somethin'
I wanna say
Tonight
Let Go
Chorus:
Oh I know we're gonna make it tonight
Tomorrow will be alright
Let Go
Let Go
And I know we're gonna make it tonight
Tomorrow will be alright
Let Go
Let Go
So take a breath
My dear friend
Take it slow
And let go
And rise again
You're not done yet
I know
Let Go
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