I normally never weigh in during the week. We have a scheduled weigh in with the boot camp that I am participating in and that happens on Friday morning and I usually just weigh in once per week for that.
However, after the gain earlier this week, and now a few days of being back into the routine, I wanted to see if it had paid off on the scale to get a little bit of an oomph in the motivation department.
I am back down to 265.8 from being at 269 last Friday morning. WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOT!
So a week of being off the plan and a 4lb gain can be corrected at this stage in just three days of being back in my routine and focused on my milestones.
Speaking of milestones, there is a big one for me coming up. On 7/22 I have my final follow up appt with Dr. Forman. My cosmetic surgeon/doctor Dr. Douglas Forman was FANTASTIC. His Jason Bateman looks means he can give you any news or information and he is still just so cute and lovable. Don't believe me, check out his picture on their website here. He is the cute one on the right. =)
In March/April 2009 I quit smoking, and underwent a procedure called a panniculectomy. This procedure removes the excess skin from the front of the abdomen. You may be thinking "tummy tuck" but this is more extensive than that. In a panniculectomy a major amount of skin is being removed.
If you are grossed out by medical descriptions and procedures and complications - you might want to skip the rest of this article. =)
In a panniculectomy an incision is made from hip to hip running in the front of the body at the pubic line. The skin tissue and fat are peeled back from the abdominal muscles almost up to the breast line. A circle is cut around the belly button and it is left in place - of course. Then Dr. Forman did a shoelace type stitch across the center of the muscles of the abdomen to help tighten and flatten them out. He then cuts away fat from the inside of the abdominal tissue to even and smooth it out. Then he pulls the skin/tissue back down, cuts a new hole for my belly button, and cuts off the excess skin/fat, reattaching everything at the cut line along the front. It is CRAZY what surgeons can do with the human body. =)
He took off over 25lbs that day in surgery. I went from 303 to 275. I was SO happy to have it gone. That apron prevented me from fitting normally into pants. That apron prevented me from working out properly because it literally SAT on my legs and thus my legs would have to lift it each time I walked, or biked or did anything. That apron made me want to be inactive b/c I didn't like sweating, and it put me at higher risk of sores if I let it get too hot or sweaty. I felt so liberated to have it GONE!
However, it wasn't an easy recovery.
The surgery was on 4/10/09 and within just a few days we noticed some complications. Due to my weight AND my history with smoking I wasn't healing correctly. The tissue at the incision line (that goes from around the back of my hip, across the front of my pubic line, then all the way around to the other side of the hip) right in front was starting to die off. Did you know that the center of your abdomen is one of the last places that you receive blood from the heart? Other than blood clots, that is the main reason that surgeons want you up and walking around right after any type of abdominal surgery. It is to get the heart pumping hard enough to get the blood to make it to your center abdominal core to help the healing and recovery process.
The tissue continued to die off and continued to die off. It took from April 10th to about the early part of June for it to stop dying and to the point where we finally had the wound all cleaned with only healthy tissue that was healing. At this stage I had a hole on the front of me that I could put both of my fists into with room to spare if I wanted. It made all three of us completely rethink the human body, how it is put together and everything. Recovery was brutal. That was not only one of the hardest things I have ever gone through, but Kate and hubby were AMAZING. They covered all the work, all the housework, taking care of the dogs AND taking care of me for over HALF A YEAR.
Black dying tissue, Silvadene packed into the wound, with clean out twice a day. Then saline soaked gauze packed into the wound cleaning that out four times a day. It was all D. He did all of it. If hubby hadn't been as amazing as he was - I can't even imagine the complications, or the end result I would have had without his diligence. Plus, Dr. Forman was fantastic too. He never charged me anything through all of the weekly visits, the complications, the crying, the pain meds. He was patient, funny, helpful and real about my situation and that made it so much easier for me.
Until almost the end of August I was home bound. We barely went anywhere because I had a huge HOLE on the front of my body. I was finally fully healed around the end of September, and then started to work my way back physically. I had been in bed since April. I was even more out of shape, had swelling and abdominal pain with the most simple of movements.
I had my last follow up appt with Dr. Forman at the end of 2009. I was embarrassed because I was back up over 300lbs - the same weight I was the morning of surgery. I felt great, I looked great given what I had been through but I felt I was letting Dr. Forman down. I lied to him about how much I weighed at that appt. I told him I was 275 - same as I was after surgery but I was working to take it off. (At the time I wasn't). He wanted to take "After" photos but somehow I talked him into waiting until the next appointment. He then stood in front of me and said,
"Well what are you gonna do about this? I have recently partnered with Pamela Peke and you should go check her out. Her initial assessment fee is over $700, but if anyone can get you into shape she can. Because you know, it's all up here.."
and with that he took his index finger and poked me in the forehead.
I said (in a cheery, higher pitched voice than normal to mask my growing anger) something like, "Oh honey.. I'm the fat girl - I KNOW HOW to lose weight.. I just gotta DO IT."
He said something about seeing me in a few months but I didn't really hear him.
I was furious.
I got to the car and I could feel my face scowling. WHY am I so mad at him? WHAT did he say to just flip the angry switch in me like that? WHO are you to tell me that it is all in my head skinny man. Like you know ANYTHING about losing weight or being a fat person. Puhlease. GRRRRRRRR
I believe that he was the catalyst. He was the thing that made me open my eyes that I didn't know anything about losing weight successfully. If I did, why am I in this situation. I didn't know what was holding me back and exactly why wasn't I able to be a fit and healthy person. I never considered that I even COULD be a fit and healthy person. That one little push on my forehead, like an "ON" switch had opened some mental doors, and storage chests in my mind that I figured I was never going to go into. I just never felt like I was going to be a fit and healthy person, but now he made me realize - I COULD be that person. I just had to do it. From there the AHA Moments (Copyright 2010 Harpo Productions / Oprah Winfrey) came in floods.
On 12/31/09 after learning about my close friend who had been diagnosed with the same 'effin cancer that took the lovely Marilyn.
That night (New Years Eve) I sat in bed watching a marathon of the Biggest Loser. I realized Kate was onto something all along and I was a sick fat person that couldn't support her in her dreams and goals for her body b/c I hadn't even realized my own.
I thought about Deb & Dina's 'effin cancer too. Later Trish and David's 'effin cancer would even further propel me to continue my journey.
I realized that I am at risk of PREVENTABLE cancer's and diabetes if I don't stop my unhealthy behaviors.
That was it. 2010 was gonna be different for me. I was going to find a way to take charge of this life, to take control of my body and be the person I just assumed I was never gonna be.
Ultimately, a really big motivator for me was falling in love with my husband in entirely new ways I never knew imaginable now that we had gone through this very trying year mentally, physically, emotionally and financially. Look at all he had done for me this last year to keep me healthy and healing. Look at how much he wanted me to be healthy and be there with him with everything I have put him through and he has done for me. I realized I didn't want to just "spend the rest of my days" with him, but I wanting to "spend as many days as possible with him" and show him every day how much I appreciate and honor him for choosing to spend his life with me.
All of a sudden I wanted MUCH MORE from my life and thus be able to give MUCH MORE to the ones I loved around me than what I had planned for it, and I was bound and determined to get it and make it happen.
The question isn’t who is going to let me; it’s who is going to stop me. (Ayn Rand)
So that brings us to today... 4lbs down in three days, back on track and ready to rock and roll. =)
The milestones coming up are:
7/22 - Dr. Forman follow up appt with "After" photos being taken at that appt. and I will graciously thank him for helping to wake me up. =)
First weekend in August - four day wedding extravaganza in Vermont with people who haven't seen me in a few years.
Labor Day weekend in September - trip to MN to see the family.
November - My 40th! =)
Let's see how it goes! =)
Sure, make me cry early in the morning.
ReplyDeleteGreat post and so happy you're on this journey.