Time to be REAL with yourself.

I am participating in two challenges this month on The Biggest Loser site.

On one team we have Deb.. or Jr. Jillian as we call her.  She is the one who sees through your lame excuses and calls you out on them.  She notices when you have missed your Cardio or Strength training for a few days.  She smacks you upside the head if needed.  She is an inspiration.  She will hit her goal June 1 and we won't have her awesome presence anymore so I consider myself very lucky to have had her as part of my first two months of my journey.

On the other team.. we don't have a Deb or a Jillian yet that I can see.  People post about eating brownies, candy bars, how they will do better tomorrow, work out tomorrow, etc.  It is almost depressing compared to the other group.  So I thought I would take a stab at trying to be Deb.  This is what I posted to the second group.  I hope it helps someone =)

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Hiya! =)

I know I am new here and don't have "street cred" with most of you yet, but I keep reading posts on the boards that I follow where some are deliberately sabotaging themselves day after day with poor food choices, not planning their workouts, not taking care of themselves and dishing out the same excuses that we have been using for years to keep us fat. I really hurt for these people - I have been there. It is crippling.

I have been there, and I wish when I was in that moment someone like a Jillian would have come along and shaken some sense into me instead of walking on eggshells around me, making me feel OK about my failures while I was shoving the most horrible foods into my mouth and living a sedentary lifestyle doing nothing to save my life.

I have found that kind of support here. When I have been weak I have support here that pulls me through the tough times. I am 5 weeks in and I feel fantastic. I have not cheated at all. I push myself EVERY workout. I have so many successes in those 5 weeks I don't even think that I can remember all of them. However, in my weak moments I got the wake up call from people within my support circle that have helped me through the tough times without failure. Physically, mentally and emotionally I am forever a different person and the person that started this journey 5 weeks ago is a stranger to me now.

So I spent yesterday and today trying to find a way to communicate what I have done aside from simply turning off my brain and following the plan to maybe help it "click" in another person's mind and inspire them in the way that I have been inspired by some people on this site to do the things I have done to be successful.

Take a moment. Close your eyes. Take some deep breaths, open your mind to change your thinking, and love yourself enough to honestly consider if you are doing each of these to help you be successful.

Get ready.. this is full of CAPS. =)

Time to be REAL with yourself:

If you are eating foods that you KNOW are not on the plan AND / OR you aren't doing AT LEAST the physical activity recommended by the plan - you are DELIBERATELY SABOTAGING yourself AND you are LYING to yourself about the scientific and mathematical proof of: physical output > caloric intake = RESULTS. LOVE AND RESPECT YOURSELF more than that. Ask yourself, would you sabotage your best friend, your spouse, a family member if they were on a restricted eating plan trying to save their lives? You came here to make a change - at least GIVE YOURSELF A FAIR CHANCE to achieve your goals.

Recognize that FEELINGS and EMOTIONS are NOT ALIVE and do not need to be FED - Food is ONLY FUEL - not comfort. If you need comfort ask someone for a HUG. Several if you need it. ASK for SUPPORT. TALK to a friend. RELY on the support you have here. Cookies and cake don't make the bad feelings go away. SUCCESSES DO. Your feelings and emotions are like a critically injured patient in the ICU. They have been so beaten and battered, they cannot be relied upon to save you - you have to ignore them and follow the plan to save them from their devastated and crippled state.

Following the plan GUARANTEES you some successes and victories in your life and the opportunity for the PROOF that those feelings were wrong! You CAN do this. You DO DESERVE this. DO IT!

Feelings and Emotions ultimately can't be put on the shelf, so they do have to be managed. Only YOU have 100% control of all of your feelings and emotions. NO ONE has the power to MAKE YOU FEEL anything unless you let them. All of your feelings are a CHOICE. If you feel SAD, it is your responsibility to yourself to take action to immediately turn that around, and you can do it in as little as a few minutes with practice and a positive and strong internal dialogue. Self-fulfilling prophecies DO COME TRUE. If you think you can't / you won't - you can't and you won't. If you think I can / I will - YOU CAN AND YOU WILL!

BE PATIENT - Each minute is another challenge, I won't lie to you. However, getting through that minute without sabotaging yourself is a victory. The more successful minutes you have in your past the more successful minutes your future will hold. Past behavior is the most indicative of future behavior. Create a new past for yourself RIGHT NOW and secure the success in your future!

I am here to be part of the help and support for anyone who wants it. It helps me be more successful on my journey. =)

L O V E   Y O U R S E L F !

Lorelei

My Life Needs To Lose Weight

Jillian Michaels, the trainer from The Biggest Loser show has a new show coming up in June in NBC called "Losing It with Jillian Michaels".  From the previews it looks as though I will probably cry though all of the episodes, but one shot in the promo really got me thinking.

Link to full size video on YouTube

So in that clip we see where they have practically this woman's entire house out on her front lawn.  At first I thought, what does that have to do with losing weight.  However, now a few weeks in .. I get it.  

How much excess weight do I still have in my life?

I definitely have things in my life that I have held on to for what I am now seeing to be all of the wrong reasons.  In just the last month I have used my new found desire for a healthy and lean lifestyle, and my need to find ways to get in hours of cardio without being a slave to the treadmill every day to start cleaning out my life as well as my head. =)  However, I still have a ways to go.

I have an entire motor home in my drive way as a storage unit.  Even the motor home itself was an impulsive purchase without much forethought about "down the road" needs. =)  In there I have lots of stuff, boxes, storage bins, etc.  Late last year I went in there and reorganized everything.  Took photos of the stuff I was going to freecycle, sell, etc.  Never did another thing with it.  Right inside the door is the really the biggest challenge for me of all of the stuff in there.


The one that has been the hardest for me is my sewing, knitting, crochet stuff.  These were all skills that my grandmother taught me and although I rarely do them, I have held on to all of this stuff.  About 5 years ago I accumulated A LOT more sewing and craft stuff which is now blocking the entrance of the motor home.  Here is how it started:

5 years ago I went to an estate sale.  It was for Terry O'Quinn from LOST and his wife's home.  They were moving from the farmland that her parents had owned in Maryland and where they had met - he was the farm hand, she was the farmer's daughter - at first her Dad was none too pleased, but eventually came around.  They were leaving the lovely rolling hills of Maryland to move to Hawaii as LOST was picked up for the second season.  As we moved room through room of their beautiful home there wasn't anything that really struck my eye that I had to have.  She had stunning items, and there was furniture that he had made, it was a splendid walk through the lives of some very creative people.  When we went up to her craft room and I was breathless (and not just from the stairs! =).  She had the top floor with half of the length of their house as her amazing craft room.  Counter space lined both long walls with drawers and cubbies above and below to store everything.  She did glasswork, sewing, costume making, you name it.  It was here I eyed 7 huge Rubbermaid bins of various material - nice material.  I bought it all for $7.


What a bargain right?!  There were yards and yards of perfect material for dog beds, dog clothes, belly bands - things that I could make in my free time and sell in the dog boutique where I was the co-owner and was running the store most days of the week.

After that purchase I:
- bought 14 huge bins from the Container Store at $20 a piece to store said material, and organize all of the other sewing stuff that I had already collected all of these years.  I even have a cross stitch that I started when I was in JUNIOR HIGH, that is half done and in those bins.  Considering I came to MD/VA in 1991 with two suitcases and a carry on - how I even have this cross stitch is beyond me.
- bought 5 boxes of batting, with the intention that I was going to make dog beds for the dog store that I had at the time
- bought enough foam and batting foam to make easily 14 dog beds
- bought Velcro in HUGE industrial size rolls (in white, beige and black) on EBay to make Belly Bands for Dogs that I planned on selling in the store
- bought more material each trip to the fabric store that was on sale and I couldn't pass it up

That $7 in material turned into the catalyst for hundreds of dollars of more purchases, and in 5 years I have made 3 beds that I didn't like the way they turned out so I stopped, and about 30 belly bands.  That's it.  The 14 bins have been moved about 7 times in those years to different storage areas in the house and now they are currently residing in the motor home in my driveway.

All of these years I just couldn't let that stuff go.  Some day I will make the dog beds.  I will sell stuff on ebay and make a little side income and recoup some of the financial loss on this stuff.  Some day I will find the need for thousands of yards of velcro.  Some day right?

In my new head space, now when I think about what I want my future life to be like - it definitely does not include a ton of sewing.  So, I am going to go into that motor home and start cleaning it out getting it ready to sell and purging the things in there that I haven't even looked at.. some in 5 years, some in over a decade.  My new healthy life doesn't have time to sew.. and if it does, it will go to the fabric store, buy exactly what I need, make it and be done.

GOAL:  I give myself three months to clean out and SELL that motor home.  By  August 4, 2010 it is my intention to have purged out that RV and sold it freeing up my driveway for the first time in over 5 years. =)

This is my new attitude.  This is my new life. =)

Welcome to Week 5

I am amazed that a month has gone by.  In my past "diet" attempts, I don't ever remember going 30 days without cheating, without lying, without a drive-thru.  I really don't remember any successes in those attempts at all.  When I think back on them I can't extrapolate what worked and what didn't, or even any details of them.. my memory is only - it didn't work. =)

Staying focused on NOW has helped me move forward.  Thinking about those times in the past I barely remember doing the diet, so I certainly can't reasonably pull from my memory banks all of the other items that were going on during that time.  Things I have forgotten, stressors that were in my life during that time don't come flooding back along with the diet attempts I had made, or the excuses I was using.  There were many factors involved in me not being successful those other times - there is no way to remember them. =)  So there is a huge part of history that is missing, and thus it is not productive for me to spend my mental time there looking for crumbs of success to try to pull into my current routine.  Instead I am focused on changing my history starting today with habits that work for me RIGHT NOW.  With choices that are in line with my goals that I can make today, and celebrate that victory. =)

I have weigh in tomorrow to finish out the 15lb in a month challenge that I slaughtered in Week 2.  WOOT!  I have a weigh in today (I think?) for the new Boot Camp challenge I am starting.  I am on a team, and our team competes with other teams for items such as "most steps in a week", "most percentage of weight loss", etc.  I think that this will really help me step it up in the exercise department.  Although I think I did a pretty good job on that yesterday.  I walked Onyx around the neighborhood.  Then I walked the field for an hour with an average heart rate of 130 - 135 bpm.  Today I am SORE.  It is technically my workout day off, but I took a day off earlier this week so I swapped the two.  Plus, I usually clean the house on Friday's.  So that means lots of cleaning today, plus errands, plus a workout.  

With that, I wish you all a fantastic day and I welcome you to Week 5. =)

THE BIGGEST LOSER - CANINE EDITION - Tease's First Work Out

BLACK TEAM UPDATE - First Workout

Tease is an interesting story.  Having been sold to a woman in MD, Tease didn't like to not be by the lady's side.  She would constantly break out of her enclosure and finally the lady had enough.  When the county found her walking the streets, they picked her up and took her in.  Her owner didn't even attempt to pick her up and figured the county would just fix and place her.

However, she was microchipped to the breeder. So when the breeder in NV was called to notify her that her dog had been picked up and was in lock down at the county shelter... in MD she was a little surprised.  She contacted me as I am a member of a Pom club in MD, and I went down to the county to pick her up.  She had racked up $97 in fees by the time I got there.  When I got her home we realized what a fantastic personality this girl had, she was leash trained, consistently listened to us, and was a joy to have around.  Even though my husband was flying to Vegas the next day and could have transported her - I ended up buying her for $97.

When she came to us, she was lean.. not anymore.  Over the years she has packed on the pounds.  Considering I was in denial about my weight and what it was doing to my health, I was in denial about her health as well.  

Now that I am working out, I figured she would be a great partner to take down to the field with me.  She can let me know if someone is coming up on me, plus the exercise will do her great too.

Here is Tease at the start of our walk.  We have done a little walking, and I was stretching.  She was a little confused as to what we were doing, but was happy to kiss my forehead every time I did a stretch.

Honestly, it didn't take her long to get tired.  I was dragging her behind me through most of the field.  So I decided I would head over to the baseball field and walk in a circle there.  That way if she wanted to sit and rest she wanted.  

Well being the good girl she is, she did follow me, although most times she was WAY behind, or she would cut across the center of the baseball field to get to me. =)  As I would go around and around, I would catch her stopped on the other side of the field looking longingly at another family in the distance who also had a dog, then looking at me, then looking at them.  I could almost hear her thoughts as she considered if that family was more lazy than I am now, b/c that is what she thought she signed up for - couch time - not this field walking crap. =)

By the end of the 90 minutes she had definitely had enough.  Here she is while I am doing my post walk stretch.  She is practically falling asleep just sitting there.  I put her lead back on, put on the Biggest Loser theme song on the ipod and took us back home.  For right now she isn't the best work out partner, but I sure did have a few good laughs having her out there.  I am sure she will be better next time.

=)

THE BIGGEST LOSER - CANINE EDITION

THE BIGGEST LOSER - CANINE EDITION

This season on The Biggest Loser - Canine Edition, we are down to the final two contestants.  Each with their own personal journey, they have come here to lose weight and change their lives.

On the Black team we have Tease.  Originally from Las Vegas, NV where she used to strip tease, this single girl found herself bloated and fat at just the age of 5.  With a full life ahead of her Tease wanted more for herself so she signed up for The Biggest Loser - Canine Edition with hopes of saving her life.

"When I lived in Vegas I was stripping all the time, so that helped keep the weight off.  Now that I don't do that anymore, I have noticed the pounds creep up on me each week, but I kept thinking, tomorrow I will do something about this.. and tomorrow never came - until today."


Tease, this is your first week on the ranch, and so we are going to weigh you in.  Please step up on the scale.

Your current weight is...

beep 
beep
beep
beep

Tease, your current weight is 12.6lbs.  Welcome to the ranch.

On the Blue team we have Saphira.  Originally from Bel Air, MD this country girl has always fancied herself a tough girl - on the outside.  However, her gentle and soft nature inside lead her to a life of excessive eating and a lack of exercise.  

Saphira wanted to join The Biggest Loser - Canine Edition to take back her life and help her breathing.  "Carrying around all of this extra weight I sound like a pig sometimes - trust me, it's not attractive.  I also choked on a hard piece of mulch a few years back which certainly didn't help my breathing - but I am hoping that if I shed a few pounds I will be able to breathe easier and have a better quality of life."
 
Saphira, this is your first week on the ranch, and so we are going to weigh you in.  Please step up on the scale.

Your current weight is...

beep 
beep
beep
beep

Saphira, your current weight is 10lbs.  Welcome to the ranch.


Stay tuned to The Biggest Loser - Canine Edition to see what progress our contestants make over the next several weeks.  Who will be crowned The Biggest Loser, and who will just go home.

My Biggest Loser Ranch

One of the things that I think is very important to my overall success is setting up the most successful environment.  If I want the changes to stick, I realized I needed to rethink HOW I live my life.  When I walked into my kitchen all I saw were snack foods and unhealthy foods on my kitchen counter.  When I opened my fridge, all of the "good for me" foods were hidden away in drawers at the bottom of the fridge.  My workout equipment was in a corner in my basement in an area that I didn't feel like spending even 2 minutes there.  I knew I would get bored doing the same thing every day, so I wanted to set up the most inviting environment for myself.  I wanted to create the most exciting environment for myself otherwise I knew I wasn't going to stick with this.  Here is how I transformed my space to be the most successful for me:

KITCHEN

- Removed all "bad for me" foods.  Hubby has his "bad for him" foods down in his room or hidden somewhere.

- Reorganized the fridge so the fruits and veggies are on the shelves, not hidden down in the drawers. 

- Put fruits, veggies, nuts and healthy snacks on the counter top in the kitchen.  This is where the chips, cookies and other crap used to live.  They were evicted four weeks ago. =)

- I started going to the farmer's market for much of my seasonal produce.  I also have stopped using those horrible produce bags.  I now bring towels and I am even going to look into sewing some reusable veggie/fruit bags that I have found on the net.

INDOOR WORKOUT

I have set up different options for myself inside.  

We have collected quite a few exercise items off of Craig's List at bargain prices over the years.  So I cleaned up this area, steam cleaned the tiles, steam cleaned all of the equipment to where they all looked brand new - it had quite a bit of dust build up from the years it has been sitting down there.  I obtained the gym flooring from Sam's Club for $20 for 30 sq feet of flooring (even got a few extras and a gym matt on the fireplace in the back.  I doubled up the flooring in the stretching area (between the treadmill and the fireplace) for more cushion against the tile floors.  The bowflex also has the leg attachment, but we are missing a pin (says my hubby) so I use it for what I can right now, but would love to have the leg extension on there soon.  The bike I bought over 5 years ago and it has lived in my shed.  It was very happy to be resurrected for this endeavor.

Down here there is also music, television/cable and the dvd player for any type of entertainment, workouts on demand, etc. while I am working out that will just keep me there longer.

OUTDOOR WORKOUT

I literally have a park on three sides of my house.  Across the street is a basketball court, to the right of that are the paved national park trails which are 45 miles long.

In the back of my house down a hill is the huge field where I can walk on field grass or at the baseball diamonds for more cushion than the trails or the treadmill can offer me for my knees.  The grass varies throughout the field so depending on the challenge I am looking for I can try different areas of the field for more or less of a challenge.

MENTAL WORKOUT

I have been reading everything I can find about healthy living, working out, etc.  I have the entire series of Biggest Loser books which I got for free when I signed up for biggestloserclub.com and I also have Dr. Oz's YOU and YOU on a Diet.  I have also read on the message boards that Jillian Michaels Master your Metabolism is also a fantastic read.  The more I have learned about how certain foods go together, about how to sustain energy over longer periods of time, which foods make me feel great and which ones can put me to sleep - the better I am at mastering my fuel source to keep me going throughout the day and keeping me on track for my goals. =) 

I have very supportive and informative friends on The Biggest Loser Club.  The challenges put on by the members there help me stay focused and on target.   I learn from their successes as well as from their stumbles.  I have a another group of friends through Facebook that I converse with on healthy living, working out and weight loss.  Keeping my mind on the task at hand and not fooling myself that these changes can be passive in my life has kept me focused and on task 100% for a month now.  I had to stop lying to myself about the severity of my weight, the looming of my 40th this year, and the deterioration of joints that I have experienced in just the last few years and get real about what needed to be done so I can live my life.

I also take time to think.  During my workouts I try to not think about anything else going on in my life.  I think about my health, how far I am pushing myself - I get into the moment and really relish that time that I am taking to rebuild my body - and rebuild my life.

I have created the most successful environment for me in my home.  Each day I try to find new ways that I can change or modify our routine, set up, lifestyle to make the little changes that will really make me successful.   

And that is how I have created my own Biggest Loser Ranch at home. =)

Pesky old habits...

So if you happen to have been here in the last two or three days I had a post entitled "Fat since 1975" - complete with pictures it documented my "Fat Story" - when it started, what diets I was on, the weight I lost each time, even personal details about particular events that happened related to those times.

Tonight, I am actually on a pause of a date night with my husband.  We are watching WEC Extreme! WOOT! One of the best ever.  UFC sure knows how to put on a good show! =)

Anyway.. so while he is taking a bio.. I decided I was going to come on here and blog about how happy I am right now.  I have:

- LOST 22lbs now in three weeks following The Biggest Loser diet plan.  I have am still working on making routines out of exercise but I have followed the food to a T!  "If it has a mother, or grows out of the ground.. it is on the eating plan!" No high fructose corn syrup. No soda. No sweets. No rice. No breads. No sugar. Barely anything that is pre-processed.

- PUSHED myself to a place I didn't think I could go, and then pushed some more.  I am running.  Yup.. running.  It's a minute at a time, and.. it.. feels.. fantastic!  My range of motion is better than it has been in a decade.  I am not afraid of injuring myself anymore.  I walk with a confidence and grace that I always told myself I had.. but I really didn't. =)

- LEARNED SO much about myself.  I have surrendered to the fact that I didn't know a thing about losing weight and living a healthy life.  All those years when anyone would give me advice on how to lose weight I would automatically tune them out and think, "Yeah.. yeah.. yeah.. remember.. I am the fat one.. I know how to diet.. duh!  I know what I gotta do.. I just gotta do it.."  

Oh really?  So.. very.. wrong.. I was SO so so so so so so so and some so wrong!  Don't worry.. I forgave myself for this 22lbs ago! =)

That is what this post is really all about.  Forgiving myself for the past was a very important component to setting up the most successful environment for myself.  It still takes work every day.  Each time I feel an old bad behavior coming on I refuse to make decisions for 30 minutes.  Starting the timer, I look to new places for encouragement and support.  I watch Bob & Jillian videos on YouTube, I read the message boards for success stories, I watch the "Biggest Loser Theme Song" video, I talk about how I am feeling with the support on the site.. I find a way to support myself rather than let myself give in like I used to just because I "wanted it", "deserved it", "earned it".  Those words got me where I am now.  

So when I logged on here to post about how happy I am, the first thing I saw was "Fat since 1975".  POW - Just like a kick to the stomach.  Right there, an old behavior had crept in.  This post is not how I feel about myself.  I believe the power is not in analyzing where I have been, but where I AM right now, and defining CLEAR and PROACTIVE steps to get me to where I want to go.  While looking at the pitfalls and failures of dieting in my past I can't reasonably recreate all of the elements that were going on during that time to really analyze how things went wrong, so I am not fairly judging myself for my actions, and in the end only reinforcing an entire track record of failure.  How should I feel after reading that post?  Inspired?  Not likely.  Therefore, it is best to leave it where it was.. in the past and focus only on today and the future that I want to create... you know, the things I CAN ACTUALLY CHANGE. =)

I promptly deleted the post.  It felt fantastic. =)

Be good to yourselves.